Negative Communication:

There are 4 main negative ways of communicating that are disastrous to relationships:

Criticism:  Attacking a person’s personality or character.  Blaming and using the word “you” in pointing finger arguments.

Contempt:  Intentionally insulting and psychologically abusing someone.  Thoughts that the other is stupid, incompetent, disgusting, or foolish.

Defensiveness:  Responding to contempt with defensiveness, may plead innocent or feel like a victim.  This is damaging because you cannot expect change until you are willing to take responsibility for your part.

Stonewalling:  Becoming silent during conflict, turning into an unfeeling stone wall.

IDENTIFY ONE OF THESE NEGATIVE TRAITS THAT YOU MAY TEND TO DO IN COMMUNICATIONS WITH OTHERS.  WITH THAT ONE IN YOUR MIND, ALSO THINK OF FIVE ITEMS OFF OF THIS LIST THAT YOU WANT TO OR DO POSSESS DURING COMMUNICATION.

Affection                          Humor

Appreciation                    Empathy

Acceptance                     Kindness

Charity                            Humility

Care                                Concern

Joy                                  Love

Forgiveness                    Hope

Patience                          Eternal perspective

5:1 RATIO
The Psychologist John Gottman says that for success in communication there needs to be a balance of positive and negative feelings to the ratio of 5:1. As long as there is five times as much positive as there are negative, it was found that marriages and other significant relationships were able to stay stable.

This is a ratio that is sometimes used to predict whether couples were likely to divorce.