GOOD COMMUNICATION PRODUCES:
Unity, closeness, understanding
BAD COMMUNICATION PRODUCES:
Loneliness, hurt, misunderstandings
GOOD COMMUNICATION IS LEARNED, WE ARE NOT BORN WITH IT. I feel that it is ingrained in us all to want to make our point, get our feelings across and be heard. Some of us may do this at the expense of really trying to understand the other, by not really listening.
WHY DOES COMMUNICATION GO BAD?
There are basically 4 reasons why people might not want to improve communication.
1—Feel that they are “INNOCENT VICTIMS”. They feel unfairly attacked and accused. They become afraid to defend themselves. They feel justified being a victim and therefore mentally free themselves from responsibility in their marriage.
2—Some feel that they want “REVENGE” for the hurt and pain that the other causes them. They feel anger and feel that it is justified. They do not want to use good communication skills and could care less about listening or trying to understand.
3—Others may be “SELF-CENTERED” and focused on self-gratification. They may belittle others who do not meet their selfish expectations. They may blame others rather than take responsibility.
4—Others may feel so overwhelmed by their partner’s negativity that they become “HOSTILE”, defensive or withdrawn. Constructive communication becomes impossible.
11 suggestions for improving communication:
CHANGING THE WAY YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR PARTNER
AGREEING WITH THE TRUTH
UNDERSTANDING THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN
VALIDATING YOUR SPOUSE
USING GOOD LISTENING SKILLS
USING “I” STATEMENTS
ASKING FOR WHAT YOU WANT
LOOKING AT THE PROCESS AS WELL AS THE CONTENT ISSUES (How are problems really solved together? How good are communication skills? What new perspectives and insights can improve the process?)
REVIEWING AND APPLYING SKILLS DAILY